Mistaken Identity

Return to Menu page

The year is 1950 A.D. 

A law has been passed by the Government requiring that every couple that have been married for five years to have a child. If unable to achieve this, they may receive a visit from a Government man whose duty it is to take the necessary steps for the wife to become a mother. This morning in particular a baby photographer calls at the house not knowing the couple are childless. It is the morning of their fifth wedding anniversary.

Husband “Well goodbye dear I’m off to the   office. I suppose the Government man will be here shortly.”(Leaves with a   bowed head.) The wife pretties herself up and as she is powdering her nose,   the doorbell rings. She is expecting the Government man but instead it is the   photographer to talk to the Lady of the house about baby pictures. The   following conversation takes place
Wife “Oh good morning”
Man “How do you do. Probably you don’t   know who I represent …”
Wife “Yes Yes. You need not explain Mr  …”
Man “Jones is the name Madam, and I make a   speciality of …”
Wife “Yes of course, I know.  It’s quite alright. Take a seat”
Man “Your Husband is quite agreeable of   course”
Wife “Oh yes we both agree it’s the best   thing in the circumstances ”
Man “In that case I might as well get busy   ”
Wife “I am not familiar with the way you do   this. Just where do we start”
Man “Just leave it to me Madam. I   recommend one or two on this couch, two on the chair, two in the bath tub, and   a couple on the floor.”
Wife “Bath tub and on the floor. Good   Gracious”
Man “Well my dear Lady. Even the best of   us cannot get a good one every time, but out of the six one is bound to be   good”
Wife “You’ll forgive me, but it does sound   rather informal”
Man “The charm of the whole thing is its   informality Madam, Perhaps you would like to see some samples of my work”.
Wife “Samples of your work! Well, I suppose   so. After all, there’s no hurry is there?”
Man “No indeed. In my line a man cannot do   his best in a hurry” (opens album and shows it to her)”Look at this baby,   isn’t that a good job. I took four hours over that but it’s a beauty”
Wife “(Gulping) that seems rather a long   time, but it’s lovely
Man “But for tough assignments take a look   at this one. Believe it or not, that one was done on top of a bus.”
Wife “I’ve never heard of it done on top of   a bus before”
Man “It’s really not hard when you know   how, and when a man in my line knows how; his work is really a pleasure,” Now   here is one I did in Selfridges at high noon”.
Wife But even Selfridges is rather public”
Man Well there was a secret about it. The   mother of the child was an actress: she needed a little publicity and BOY did   she get it!”He turns the page and shows her a   picture of the twins
Wife “OH! TWINS!”
Man “And the handsomest you ever saw”. “I   knocked that job out in Hyde Park one snowy afternoon last winter”.
Wife “My Goodness”
Man “Yes Madam, it took me from two in the   afternoon till five, I never worked under more difficult conditions –what   with people four or five deep pushing and crowding to get a look “
Wife “People four or five deep?”
Man “Yes people everywhere. Just imagine   –more than three hours under a handicap like that. Two policemen helped me   when things got difficult. I could have managed to get one or two more shots   in, but the Squirrels started gnawing my equipment. Shall we get ready now?”